After this debate… I got very angry. You lost. I’m going to put that out there, and be 100% honest. You got your ass handed to you. Oh, early on you had some good zingers. The first quarter, so to speak, saw you score with such notables as “so if it’s not your fault, is it Obama’s fault?” Good. That’s classic Trump, and we wanted to see more of this. But then you went off on rambling tangents nobody cared about. So the rest of the game was Hillary’s. Being honest, I don’t like either of you, but in the interests of not having Hillary, I’m going to calm down and attempt to provide you with some rational advice, on the off chance somebody in your campaign reads this shit.

Look, I’m not a member of the high falutin’ elites club, and honestly I’m no master debater. So yeah, take it with a grain of salt. But here was your problem from an armchair general’s perspective:

Hillary is a liar. Whatever she says, it’s a lie. Whenever she opens her mouth, she is lying. Say that. Don’t get defensive. Don’t ramble on about how great your company is, or how awesome you are as a person, or anything else. Say, point blank, that she is lying. Furthermore, if she accuses you of hiding tax returns, don’t defend. Accuse her (truthfully) of hiding all sorts of shit, from Clinton Foundation money, to burying her email server scandal, and Benghazi. There is such a wealth of lying corruption with the Clintons. Choose anything.

In fact, if you started from the assumption that everything in the world was the exact opposite of what Hillary said it was, you’d be in a better position than you were tonight.

But above all that, you need to study. Yes. Study. You made billions of dollars, and I suppose you must therefore be a smart man, for I certainly have not made billions. Okay. When you do a deal with someone, when you build a condo tower, or drop in a casino, you research the deal, right? Numbers. Location. Who you’re negotiating with. Etc… That way you have the facts on hand when you’re doing the negotiation. So where were your facts tonight?

Yes, we know the NAFTA deal was bad. But why was it bad? We know the Iran deal was garbage, but explain the reasons behind it. The only time you did this right was when you talked about ISIS. You clearly looked into ISIS, and Hillary’s contribution to its formation. You scored a good point here, and you could have recovered if you stayed on message. Study for the test, Donald.

Yes, we know that Hillary is fake, and that she has these talking points memorized. But in so doing, she puts on a better show for the idiots who don’t know her for the lying hag she is. And people like me, Donald, we’re reluctant Trumpites. Many of us didn’t get on this train by choice, excepting that Hillary was running the only other game in town, and we certainly didn’t want go down those tracks. You will talk us out of voting for you with more of this.

You won the primaries for a few reasons. The first reason is that celebrity status attracts people in large numbers. I mean, there has to be some kind of reason people watch the Kardashians. It’s certainly not for their prodigious helping of talent. Arnold got his sweet little gig in California by riding the “I’m the governator” bit to its inevitable conclusion. And the less said of Jesse Ventura, the better (don’t look to him for a good example, please). But for the low information voter, this is your ticket in.

The second reason is because of your one great redeeming quality: you’re not politically correct. If someone lies, you call them a liar. If someone is an asshole, you call them an asshole. In this respect, America is like a man dying of thirst in the Sahara, who suddenly stumbles on a well of water. No matter how badly contaminated with filth that well may be, the thirsty man desires it with all of his heart. So be that, Donald. Call Hillary a lying bitch on stage. I’m being serious. Call Obama the worst disaster for race relations this country has seen since the Jim Crow era (and probably worse than that, honestly). Hit repeatedly on ISIS and Benghazi. And for all that is holy, if she mentions cyber security, talk about her email server. Clearly someone who can’t figure out why dumping classified information on her private email server is a bad idea isn’t qualified to say anything on cyber security. The thirsty man will overlook any of your other faults, then, and drink from the well. And you’ll be President.

Don’t do this again. I’m pleading with you, Donald. I know, I know. I’ve said a lot of bad things about you. And to be honest, I really don’t like you. But I don’t have to like you, and you don’t have to like me. None of us have to be enamored with one another. God knows my libertarian instincts come into conflict with many others on the Right all the time. All we need to do right now is make common cause against a common enemy: Hillary, SJWs, and other assorted radical progressives. I don’t expect to like you, I just want you to beat Hillary.

Go study. You are right on many issues (you’re wrong on others, but not ones I particularly care about right now). But you need to be able to show knowledge and understanding. Don’t use a script like Hillary did. Instead, memorize key facts, and when she runs afoul of them as she inevitably will (she’s a liar, remember), you point them out, and then call her a liar. That’s it.

So please, go back, study the facts, and come to the next one better armed, okay? You’ve seen how Hillary “debates” (she doesn’t, she just recycles a script). So now learn how to defeat it.

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