It’s not every day you wake up and see the dissolution of a major American political party proceed apace. I’ve long suspected this moment was coming, though. Reading Matt Walsh today, you can feel the waves of butthurt coming from his anus. He is giving up the Republican party forever, it seems. On the other side of the field, Trumpites gleefully cheer the defeat of the GOP Establishment and the resulting hostile takeover Trump has engineered.

I never wanted America to be here, in this strange place. My readers, followers, and friends have all noted how carefully I avoided endorsing Cruz or Trump, how I deliberately steered between the factions. It was stupid, of course, as it was only a delay of the inevitable.

To be honest with you, I never liked either of them. Cruz always struck me as fake, as if his whole persona were a piece of clothing he put on for the day. “Today I’m a evangelical. But tomorrow I will be a Constitutional Lawyer. The day after that, I’ll be the living, breathing incarnation of Daniel Webster himself.” Whatever. I’m an Oscar Meyer hot dog, nice to meet you.

Trump, of course, was just a dick. There’s a certain authenticity to his dickishness, insofar as he doesn’t bother to hide his less-than-reputable characteristics. He’s a vulgarian, as Matt Walsh claims, but he is at least honest about that. Nobody would say “this is a nice man.”

Not liking either of them wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of their competition, either. Kasich is a moron, Ben Carson, while honest, was a mouse of a man. Chris Christie was like the Baron Harkonnen, a floating fat man with delusions of grandeur (or donuts, whichever suits him at the moment). Carly Fiorina would run America into the same toilet she ran HP, and the less said about Jeb! the better. Clearly the lion’s share of the brains went to his brother.

If the GOP is dying, the one thing all factions can agree on is that it deserves that death. In that, Matt Walsh and the Breitbart guys are in perfect agreement. Speaking as one who has deliberately tried to steer the middle course — because I wanted to do my part to hold the anti-Progressive coalition together — I can say the party is well and truly fucked.

In the days ahead, I know I will lose friends, followers, readers, and otherwise. There’s no getting around it. I should probably care more than I do, but I’m fast running out of fucks to give for 2016, and I was never well stocked with them to begin with. Sweet Meteor of Death, if you’re out there, now would be a good time. Let Ground Zero be D.C., please.


I was never a #NeverTrump guy, insofar as no matter how bad Trump may be, there are worse things in this world. My Cruzian friends might suggest that I am being charitable here, but if it came down to the Militant Hairpiece against Chairman Mao or Adolf Hitler’s rotting corpse, how would you vote?

Of course, Trumpites will wonder what I really have against this man. It’s simple, really. When I mention my Armenian ancestors, I am often greeted with blank expressions. People are stupid (they vote, btw) and have no clue what Armenia is, generally speaking. But they know of Kim Kardashian, and that she sometimes says the word. Exasperation is the best way I can describe it — I’m sick of being compared to that walking dumptruck and sexually transmitted disease laboratory. You don’t walk up to a German guy and say “oh, you’re German… you mean like Hitler?”

What does that have to do with Trump? Everything. Celebrity culture in America is farcical, vapid, and stupid. Trump is waist deep in its intellectual sewage. Casting a vote for him is like being asked to wipe Kim Kardashian’s ass crack after a bout with Chicken Pad Thai doused in curry powder and hot sauce. It’s that unpleasant.

At the same time, mass immigration has to stop, a wall must be built, the illegals must go or be dealt with somehow, and the Hillary supporters are absolute lunatics. Hillary could shoot someone tomorrow, pull the trigger in broad daylight, and her supporters would explain that away. “Oh, she didn’t know how the email server — er — the gun worked. It’s not her fault!” And if you disagree, you’re a misogynist. Whatever. My beefs with Trump were never about his America First rhetoric, his slamming of the media, or his immigration policies. Indeed, those were the only things I could tolerate in him.

What do you do in such circumstances?

Well, for one, you watch the GOP burn. That’s a given at this point, the divisiveness in the party has reached critical mass. What does a militant nationalist have in common with an evangelical from Nebraska? What does the hardline Capitalist have in common with Establishment “moderates” and RINOs? Is there any common ground between Matt Walsh and Ann Coulter? The only thing that’s held the Reagan coalition together this long is shared hatred of the far-Left loonies.

It’s just not enough to hate the same people.

The second thing you do is watch the media explode. It’s coming in a big way, folks. You’re going to see a media shitstorm the likes of which has never been witnessed in recorded history. Godwin’s law is going straight into the crapper. Don’t play the Hitler drinking game, wherein you take a shot every time a media pundit makes a Hitlerite comparison on the boob tube. They’ll have to pump your stomach like an Irishman in a liquor store within the hour.

Release the Kraken! The media hate hurricane has come.


The last thing you do is reflect on who you pull the lever for if, indeed, you even think it’s worth showing up in the first place. Folks are saying that Trump can’t win without the support of the old guard Republicans, but they’ve been saying that all throughout this primary season. Scott Adams believes most of this is a sort of psychological persuasion technique anyway. He’s probably right, as he’s called most of the shots so far this election.

It will be Trump vs. Hillary, barring a Black Swan event. Ponder that very carefully, because that’s the money shot. The reason the two-party system keeps producing this lesser evil scenario is because it works. People, when trapped between Scylla and Charybdis, will attempt to find the lesser evil.

Trump may be an authoritarian Leftist shitweasel in disguise. He might be bullshitting about his Great Wall of Trump. He could be a sort of neo-FDR, a silver-spooned, fast-talking wannabe-tyrant who is nonetheless not the worst guy to have around when the Hitlerites (or the modern day equivalent, Islamists) are causing trouble.

Hillary is an authoritarian Leftist shitweasel. Hillary will flood the country with as many illegals as she possibly can. Hillary makes racist Woodrow Wilson look like an angel by comparison. She is a silver-spooned, fast-talking tyrant. Her campaign bus might as well be renamed the American Cuntwagon, and get rammed straight up the country’s buttcrack. And if the Islamists attack, she will reward them with material and popular support. She will invite more Muslim immigration.

How much are your morals worth to you?

I know you hate this guy and I get you on this. But do me a favor, folks… if you want to stay home, fine. If you want to lob a ballot at Gary’s Johnson in the Big-L Libertarian party, that’s your business. If you want to start a new Right-wing party that isn’t infested with RINOs, do it! I’d support that effort wholeheartedly.

But whatever you do, do NOT vote for Hillary in protest. That would be like burning down the whole house because the toilet won’t flush.

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