Have you ever looked at an SJW and wondered “just what is this idiot trying to tell me?” Or, have you perhaps contemplated the intellectual musings of a Tumblrista and wondered “what in the everlasting fuck is this person actually saying?”
Well, wonder no more. Your friendly neighborhood Lord High Inquisitor of Capitalism has provided these translations from Communese into modern American English. For my friends of British persuasion, just add an occasional pointless “u” into words like color, in order to translate into the Queen’s.
1. “Let’s have a Conversation.” The direct translation for this is “your opinion hurts my feelings and you need to change it.” But this fails to capture the essence of the phrase. When an SJW says this, what they really mean is that you have departed from the traditional narrative, and you are being warned that your non-conforming opinion needs to be changed immediately. Failure to do so will result in denunciation and accusations of racism, sexism, etc… Having a conversation means agreeing with the SJW on all particulars.
2. “Educate yourself!” Directly translated, this is “I can’t understand why you don’t agree with the accepted narrative.” But again, there are nuances here. This can be considered a final warning before denunciation and attempts to attack your character. The SJW is warning you that there will be consequences if you don’t agree with the politically correct narrative. Perhaps they will try to get you fired, or dox you, or some other form of unpleasantness. The subtle translation is “obey the dictates of Social Justice or else!”
Educate Yourself = Listen & Believe = Turn off your brain so that we can fill it with as much Taco Bell-derived intellectual sewage as humanly possible.
3. You are a Racist!” You’re white. And probably male, cis-gendered, and straight. Remember, all white men are racists, and any accusation of racism is prima facie evidence of guilt. Progressive white men can be exempted by proclamation by the SocJus community. But this exemption can be revoked at any time, in which case you revert to being a racist.
4. “You’re a Misogynist!” You’re white. And probably male, cis-gendered, and straight. Remember, all white men are sexists, and any accusation of sexism is prima facie evidence of guilt. Progressive white men can be exempted by proclamation by the SocJus community. But this exemption can be revoked at any time, in which case you revert to being a sexist.
5. “You’re an Islamophobe!” You have common sense, which is, of course, a violation of accepted SocJus norms. The only sense you are allowed to have is fed to you by the media. When the media tells you Islam is good and Christianity is evil, you must accept this with no further discussion or demands for evidence.
6. “I can’t be a racist because racism equals privilege plus discrimination.” This means the SJW is a racist and hates white people. Bahar Mustafa, a woman of Turkish ethnicity famously proclaimed that her Turkish heritage meant that she could never be a racist. My Armenian ancestors would disagree, of course. But college feminists are far more oppressed than people thrown into rail cars, shot, beaten to death, and/or crucified.
Totally doesn’t count. Why, look at those Armenians oppressing the poor Turks.
7. “That’s Triggering!” Directly translated, this statement means roughly: “waaaaaaaah waaah waaaaaaaaaah!” A more nuanced translation would be “this made me cry, and I will throw a temper tantrum unless you make it go away.”
8. “We need a Safe Space!” The SJW wishes to re-institute segregation along racial and ethnic lines. Members of the KKK are currently kicking themselves for not thinking of this idea first. “Damnit,” says the Grand Wizard Dragon of Podunk, “if only we called Jim Crow ‘Safe Spaces for People of Color’ we could have pulled it off…”
Don’t worry, I’m sure the guys with torches, crosses, and pointy hats will be happy to provide them for you.
9. “Sexuality is Sacred!” When the dog humps the couch and manages to get himself off, you are required to give thanks to the environmentally-friendly, non-judgmental, transsexual, ethnic Goddess of Fedora-wearing neckbeards. Femen protesters, of course, can run around buck naked, touching themselves, and this is no big deal. The SJW is really saying that if you are not an SJW, all sex is rape and therefore you are a rapist. Of course, male SJWs never have sex with women anyway, so de facto, the SJW is saying that all heterosexual activity is rape.
10. “This is an example of Rape Culture!” It’s something that normal human beings have been doing since the dawn of time, or creation, or whatever. This may mean having sex, reproducing, looking at attractive members of the opposite sex, etc… Usually, however, this is a specific reference to anything which depicts a beautiful or attractive woman in any way that would interest men. Wearing a bikini on a magazine cover, for instance. A direct translation would be “I saw a woman more attractive than my lard-filled, unshaven rear-end, and this hurts my feelings.”
11. “I am oppressed.” Generally uttered by upper-middle class white SJWs, but can occasionally be spoken by wealthy members of other ethnicities. What it really means is “I feel threatened by the peasantry.” It is a variant of the famous phrase attributed to Marie Antoinette: “let them eat cake.”
She was a woman, therefore she was more oppressed than the white guy cleaning shit out of the sewer. Let him eat cake.
12. “I was raped.” Directly translated, this means “I had sex and later regretted it.” But sometimes having sex isn’t even necessarily a prerequisite for this statement. It may also mean “I want attention from the media” or ” somebody said hi to me when I was walking to my gender studies class.” Context is important when deciphering this phrase.
13. “Gamers are dead.” Gamers are very much alive and are an irritant in the eyes of the SJW who uttered this.
Dontcha know? Gamers are dead. I read it on a Progressive “gaming” site.
14. “Fat is beautiful.” Directly translated: “Every human being is equally attractive to every other human being, except white males, who are really, really ugly.” Usually uttered by the most vile, mammoth, sloth-like, vaguely-female “humans” ever to walk the Earth.
Thin Privilege… if you weigh less than 400lbs, you have it.
15. “Jesus was a Socialist.” Direct translation: “I’m a moron who thinks that a cursory understanding of religion fed to me by the media is more accurate than the beliefs of those who actually adhere to and study their faith.”
16. “Everybody should be equal.” Directly translated: “Give me money. Really. My Patreon is over there…”
17. “I was discriminated against.” Directly translated: “Somebody doesn’t like me. I’m a good gender-queer, hydrosexual, poopkin, trans-ethnic feminist, so I can’t imagine why.” Usually uttered by the dumbest, most unpleasant people imaginable. Most individuals would rather hang out with Jeffrey Dahmer than whoever said this.
18. “I think you’re a Nazi.” Directly translated: “Everything I don’t like is literally Hitler. The undercooked fries from McDonalds? Hitler. The fitness magazine depicting attractive men and women? Hitler. Republicans? Hitler. Straight people? Hitler. White people? Hitler.”
19. “You’re a Homophobe.” This one has a bit of nuance to it. This is really code for being a cis-gendered heterosexual who failed to praise homosexuality with every second breath. However, any homosexual (Milo, basically) who departs from the narrative can be safely attacked. Indeed, failing to insult a conservative homosexual is grounds for immediate expulsion from SocJus and is, paradoxically, proof of homophobia.
20. “That’s Cultural Appropriation.” Translation: India’s culture dates back at least 4,000 years, but it is threatened whenever a white girl wears a bindi. Chinese civilization is ancient, and arguably the largest economy in the world at the present moment. But it is threatened by the presence of a white guy ordering take out. Cultural Appropriation is one of those nebulous terms that periodically pops up in SJW discourse. Since, according to them, white people have no culture, they must steal it from everyone else. And this stealing is racism. But, since they view everything as cultural appropriation of some kind, the only way to satisfy them would be to cease to exist. Or, perhaps, you could pull a Shaun King and declare yourself to be black. That, of course, is not Cultural Appropriation.
That about covers it. But, as always, your friendly neighborhood Lord High Inquisitor of Capitalism (and literally-Hitler) is always searching for more translations. Post in the comments and I’ll pick the best ones for a followup.
Hater: anyone who identifies as one of two genders and fails to genuflect in front of the genderfluid, otherkin, otter sexuals and their ilk.
I had hoped, as a cisgendered straight white male, to find cover in the label “otherkin” but I fear I didn’t research it enough. I thought it meant whatever I needed to be at the moment.
Nope. It means you actually think you’re a dinosaur. Or a chipmunk. I wonder if there are Muslims who are pig otherkin. That’d be interesting…
STOP OPPRESSING IVAR WITH YOUR NARROW-MINDED OTHERKINOPHOBIC NOTIONS OF WHAT OTHERKIN MEANS, YOU SHIT!
The correct term is SHITLORD, have the last two decades of poisonous twaddle that pass as an education not indoctrinated you fully into the beauty of social justice, you filthy white male rape enabler.
A Feminist isn’t defined by her “Safe” Space.
Think on it. I’ll wait. 😀
A nice roundup, with excellent explanations. I may steal a few of them.
In No. 19 you also forgot @GayPatriot.
A fair point.
Fat is beautiful: IOW “Can YOU warsh yersef wif a rag on a stick? I can!”
“Do roaches come scurryin’ out from under your huge saggy boobs, like they do mine?
You left out – Diversity = discrimination and bigotry which SJW’s approve of.
This made it worth chewing through the restraints this morning. GJ!
That comment made it worth chewing through the news this morning. 🙂
lol – is this available in cue cards?
Make your own cue cards or use one of obummers old tele prompters.
Good Ally: Someone who is low and the hierarchy of perceived oppression and who may only contribute to any conversation with self abasement. A good ally should expect to be spit on and demeaned because he deserves it.
Good Ally: at other times and places called Renfields or Goodlife.
Saberhagen FTW!
“You are a Hater/Mean/Uncompassionate/ Don’t Care about others” : Said to anyone who has just explained to them that believing in fairies won’t actually bring them to life, or some other hard fact about the real world that flatly , inescapably, and obviously contradicts their world view and makes the realization that reality doesn’t care about their feels unavoidable. A more loose translation would be “I can’t deal with real life, so stop bursting my protective bubble..”
“You are selfish/greedy” : Said by an SJW to anyone who has just asserted that they deserve to keep what they have produced, to justify ( to themselves ) their greedy desire to use the govt to steal the fruits of others people’s labor that they neither deserve, earned or have any legitimate claim to. A more loose translation would be ” It is greedy of you not to give me stuff I didn’t earn!”
“You are paranoid/fearful” : Said by a SJW out of fear of Adult responsibility. Usually in the context of gun ownership, but sometimes found in other contexts where the SJW is trying to avoid dealing with adult reality. For example ” You own a Gun because you are paranoid/fearful that someone will attack you and the odds are against it” really means that ” I am fearful of taking on the Adult responsibility of protecting myself” or “Your fear of Islamic Jihadists is irrational!” means ” I cannot deal with the Adult fact there are people in the world who actually think its right to kill others” A more loose translation would be “I don’t want to grow up!”
“White Privilege” : A phrase meaning that you adhere to a long established tried and tested cultural norms concerning personal behavior that generally lead to one being successful in life – monetarily and personally. ( such as not being hooked on drugs/alcohol,, adherence to moral principals such as ” do no harm to others” ,” do as you say you will do”, values that stress saving, preparation, personal responsibility, charity, education, hard work and family) Because this personal behavior is statistically prevalent in one group of people of Caucasian decent from cultures associated with Western Civilization, it is called by the SJW “White” – This term is used by the SJW to denigrate and dismiss those behaviors and suggest to people of other colors/backgrounds that behaving in the same ways will not give them similar success – even though it obviously will. More loosely translated it means “I can’t or I am unwilling to live up to your traditional cultural standards, so I feel I must tear them down so I can go on being a lousy uncivilized barbarian and still be liked by others. ”
Its should also be point out that nearly EVERYTHING a SJW says has one underlying meaning : “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” They constantly engage constantly in “Virtue Signalling” by suggesting they are better than others, and their egos are firmly based on regular moral masturbation about how wonderful they are. They really do not say these things because they have given any rational tough to them – its a sort of bleating, like sheep do, to say “I am still a sheep. I am still one of the herd” – When an SJW talks to you they might as well be asking you “Are you of the Body?” (Star Trek /Landru) They just want to confirm you are another sheep. Wolves and Sheep Dogs ( Bill Whittle) are scary to them- not to be trusted.
The SJW needs these daily affirmations of course, because they are awful narcissistic people whose only standards are double standards, and who consider “live and let live” to be an evil philosophy because it unfairly imposes on them the idea that other people aren’t their property. (and when pressed they will admit that they favor human slavery as a means to their ends and that yes, they really do consider you their property. ) Anyone who says they have a SJW as a “friend” either doesn’t understand the term “friend” or doesn’t understand the nature of a SJW.
A bit wordy, but pretty much spot on.
“Check your White Privilege” – What they mean is “You are a bad person due to blood debt.” The claim is that your parents gave you a leg up in society by oppressing the brown people and converting their blood into economic success, a life free from hardship and a get-out-of-jail-free card good at any local police station. It was not your parents giving you a work ethic.
Oops: forgot Micro-Aggression : Any small, petty, unintentional action or word that “Triggers” a SJW. (Defined above) Rough Translation is “Teacher, Jimmy isn’t playing nice with me” – meaning what any 5 year old would mean by that – “Jimmy isn’t playing exactly the way I want him to!”
This one definitely needs to be featured. “Hi!” “You’re only saying hi to me because I’m female. Miiiiiicroaggression! Give me Patreonz.”
“the SJW is saying that all heterosexual activity is rape.”
The problem with this is that there are, in fact, SJWs who sincerely believe this. I’d post a link but I don’t want to give them any more oxygen.
Another translation for you:
“Open your mind!” Wide enough for your brains to fall out.
Yeah, I saw one of those RadFems some time back. Really disturbing…
“You’re a gun nut” means that you don’t disapprove of the second amendment, regardless if you own a gun or not.
When the west borrows from other cultures, it is cultural appropriation.
When other cultures borrow from the west, it is cultural imperialism.
SJWs set it up so that non-SJWs constantly feel like they are between Scylla and Charybdis. There is no condition short of non-existence that satisfied them completely.
I do not refer to these folks as SJWs as ‘warrior’ is not an appropriate designation for them. Nothing about them equates to a warrior’s ethos of responsibility and accountability, acknowledgment of reality, or true courage.
I refer to them as “The Society Of the Perpetually Offended” SOPO
Other than that, very good translations….
(My liberal leaning daughter was converted to conservatism by listening to the bizarre, irrational and illogical rambling/rants/diatribes of the SOPOs at her liberal school.) As she put it, Dad– you can smell the crazy coming off them…
The other interpretation of SJW is “Social Justice Whiner” – does that help?
I use that one frequently myself.
Personally, I prefer “Sociopathic Vengence Whiners” myself.
I be heard it said that a racist is someone who just won an argument with an SJW.
Indoor plumbing —> quit appropriating American culture!
Indoor plumbing was 1st implemented by the Roman Empire.
Well, quit appropriating Roman culture!
Actually the Mycenae had indoor plumbing in 1200BC. You can see it in the excavations or the museum replica on Santorini.
Indoor plumbing probably predates them. Mycenaean history, while fascinating, and something of a minor obsession for me as well, is not the subject of this post, however.
You forgot “Mansplaining” — I’m sure that is covered by one of the triggered phrases from up above, yet it’s another favorite!
You’re absolutely right. I need to include this one for sure. Mansplaining is about the most ridiculous SJW term around.
With regard to Number Three, there’s a lot more to it, really:
http://www.tomkratman.com/Left20rules.html
We have our rules as well, of course:
http://www.tomkratman.com/Right20rules.html
It’s one (entirely normal) thing to have a strong aversion to the harebrained cult that is Social-Justice warriorism, and to recognize that Islam is a decaying, mid-evil leftover, but don’t go trying to sell me that Christianity is nothing but puppies and rainbows, because we all know how many skeletons that closet has in it.
I wouldn’t think to sell you on Christianity. I am not an evangelist.
There is a concept in Christianity, one that it partially inherited from Judaism. And that is the notion that all men are sinners, all have done wrong and will continue to do wrong.
In that tradition, I acknowledge the sins and wrongs of other Christians. There is no part of human history that is, as you put it, puppies and rainbows.
But I pose this question to you, one that a rabbi asked Penn Jillette on Glenn Beck’s show (as an aside, I’m not a fan of Beck, btw):
“What unifies is certainly not our theologies but it certainly is our ethic,” Rabbi Lapin said before turning to Penn Jillete,”But when we say religion can make good people do bad things – I think we’ve got to not lump all religions together Here’s a really blunt question: Would the world be a better or worse place if a billion Mulsims became evangelical Christians tomorrow?”
Penn was stunned and left speechless, and Glenn jokingly grabbed a bag of popcorn and ate it laughing as he waited for answer.
“All other things being equal? Then I think yes,” Penn said.
I agree with Penn on this matter. As much evil as Christians have done, some in the name of God himself, they do not approach the wrongs of Islam. And, perhaps more importantly, Christians will acknowledge their sins, and the failings of their church. Islam, on the other hand, revels in the wrongs.
But even in Islam, not all are evil. Just as it is impossible for any belief system to excise all the evil from humanity, neither can any belief system excise all the good.
You forgot “derailing” (i.e. proving them wrong) and “victim blaming” (i.e. pointing out precautions)
I have to disagree with your translation for “Educate yourself”… In my experience, “Educate yourself” can be directly translated to “I don’t understand why you’re wrong, but I have faith that you are, because it doesn’t fit the narrative, As such, go find out why you’re wrong for me, because I’ve repeated all the usual talking points and that wasn’t enough to convince and/or shame you into compliance.”
It is consistently used by individuals who don’t actually understand the arguments they are making, they just believe them on an emotional level. And when confronted by someone who understands the arguments better than them (and inevitably disagree), they try to redirect you somewhere else, so they don’t need to admit their own failure to understand the argument.
Read and read well. This is the culmination of decades of a multi billion dollar media industry, multi billion dollar college industry, and the oikophobic pseudo-intellectual pipeline between the two. This stuff is comical to most, while gospel to others. It’s a sad state for this country when the greatest obstacle it faces isn’t a violently fascistic religion and their hordes of third world armies, but the very regressive malcontents within its own society. Make no mistake; America’s dominated Nazism, Communism, and Imperialist Islam in the past with ease, but today the one thing keeping us back are our own institutions.
So, is this just as confusing to others as it is to me? Because quite a few of these words seem made up with no sense behind them. Am I the only one confused with this?
I didn’t know that SJWs can even talk.
Well, technically “screech” is a form of “talk”.
I have a good response for my identifarian friends now. Actually, it’s not a response it’s true. I’m divorced and not sleeping with anyone but I’m still (ahem) sexually active. So I am not a “cis” male but I identify as an autosexual with regular periods of asexuality. I plan to make a special flag just to represent my sexuality. But it does give me great pleasure to tell SJWs that I am *not* a cis white male and that them presuming I am is very triggering for me. When they say “Okay what are you then” I can say “Gee, my sexual orientation is really none of your f*cking business – get educated.”
But yes, white cis male means you’re a bad person and you should hate yourself and wear a “I’m sorry I’m terrible” sign and lower yourself before identifarians, gender benders, feminists and SJWs alike. I’ll pass on that actually…
My goodness, thank you for this post! I can’t stand those people!
SJW = IDIOTS = FAST FOOD EATERS = waste of the worlds time… NEXT!!!
You forgot problematic. This has to be their most favorite word of all time. Also, using the word ‘bodies’ when they could have easily used words such as people, men, women, etc. Or how about police/policing.
Another tidbit of info about sjws that’s off topic but fun to mock is their love of god awful poetry-Milk & Honey is by far their favorite, followed by the Sun & Her Flowers; I’m trying to be optimistic & hope that Rupi Kaur is just a troll laughing all the way to the bank. I’d at least have faith in humanity then. Some other awful examples include Salt, Adultolescense (for sjws that think they have a sense of humor), & anything by r.h. sin. I work at a bookstore, & 100% of the time the people buying these books are late teens/20s, overweight, & have weird haircolors