That America is a nation in decline is no great secret. China has known that for some time, and anyone with a modicum of intelligence in America has the distinct impression that something is wrong. But American Exceptionalism must march on, Vladimir Putin’s opinions aside, right?

Politico will tell you that President Obama defended American Exceptionalism, challenging Vladimir Putin. Watching the video tells a different story. Mr. Obama delivers the expected mantra with minimal flair before noting that exceptionalism is rooted in avoiding “narrow” self interest in favor of farcical global interest.

For many years anyone suggesting there was a “one world order” or anything remotely similar was mocked, lumped into the same category of Roswell treasure hunters and those who actually believe the pop-culture history penned by Dan Brown. They were lunatics, and in any event America was exceptional, right?

Here we have an American president clearly stating that his agenda is a global one, and that America’s role is somewhere in between the Police department and the Welfare office. As long as America serves the world, Obama is telling us, all is well. There is no tinfoil in that.

So the conspiracy theorists had a point after all, though I doubt the Illuminati has risen from the pages of mass-market literature to bring it to us. There was no conspiracy to uncover, unless turning on the TV were to be considered a valid method of discovery. It stands to reason that bureaucratic social-democratic governments would have more in common with each other than the people beneath them.

Edward Snowden is a case in point. No doubt the famed whistle-blower was confused when the nations of Western Europe wanted nothing to do with him. Why should they? They were on the take from the NSA as well. Western Europe had long ago outsourced the heavy lifting of surveillance in their own countries to America. After all, America is the world’s police department, and that makes a certain kind of sense. Snowden, in trying to convince the world of the depths of American duplicity, unwittingly annoyed a number of European governments that knew better.

Christina Hendricks, playing the part of Saffron in Firefly, said: “Everybody plays each other. That’s all anybody ever does. We play parts.” And that is exactly what the nations of the world do today.

Tomorrow, I predict another fundamentalist Iranian whackjob will declare that Israel should be wiped off the face of the map. Vladimir Putin will be discovered hunting polar bears in his boxer shorts, armed only with a butter knife and a toothpick. China will continue to make semi-defective goods that get shipped to your local American Wal Mart, where “poor” customers will shove each other aside in a sort of slow-motion, obese parody of Bum Fights in order to collect the best deals.

Epcot’s theme is “Creating the World of Tomorrow,” and in typical Disney fashion the vision was remarkably optimistic. No where does Wal Mart or Bum Fights rate a mention. The Vikings of yesteryear become the hardy North Sea oilmen, the cultures of history are united in a globe filled with retro-futurism and love for one another. It is as if the entire park could spontaneously break out into song at any moment.

Reality intrudes and we are reminded, by another Disney product, exactly how bizarre Post-Modern America really is. If the nations of the world are all playing their parts, America got the short end of the stick. It is only exceptional in that a disproportionate number of the most spoiled, disconnected lunatics of the planet hail from it. Otherwise you might call the country the International Department of don’t kill too many of your own people, or we might decide to lob a cruise missile at you. I’ve seen meter maids that were more authoritative and convincing.

Sultan Knish points out the contradictions inherent in modern American government. George Washington’s secretary was also a part-time diplomat, and even measured the former President’s body for burial. Today, President Obama is attended by a throng of servants and support staff approximately equal to the number of American soldiers at the Battle of Bunker Hill. There are monarchs who make do with less. But the Chief of World Police needs his morning coffee, and there must always be someone present to fetch it for him.

So we see that America’s decline is a more mundane affair than Rome’s, devolving into the role of pampered international law enforcement at the whims of those who play other parts on the world stage. And nobody likes the po-po, even the person that called them. They eat a lot of donuts, dress strangely and intrude themselves into your affairs at the most inopportune moments. Many of them are corrupt and self-serving. But they are tolerated, because they are needed.

We might consider America a Police department, complete with the screaming prostitutes, drug-dealing lunatics, troglodyte gang bangers and occasional psychopaths dragged through for processing.  If you don’t believe me, drive down to your local Wal Mart.

 

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